11th October 2008

Driving in France is a whole new experience. However, as we've discovered, most French drivers invent their own rules. I must admit to being terrified of being stopped by the gendarmes, not just because of language difficulties or worried about that glass of red wine I drank at lunch, but because of our international driving licence. There's nothing wrong with it. In fact, we ordered it specially before leaving the UK because of its photo - a useful thing to have with you at all times instead of carrying your passport. However, if we should be given any penalty points, it would mean we'd have to apply for a French licence. Help! I'm terrified that that would mean having to take another driving test, with all the difficulties of having to take a written test in French. It's difficult enough in English. So, I'm being especially careful on the roads. Unlike others, especially the thousands of English tourists. The gendarmerie are now getting wise to what happens at ferry ports. Thousands of Britons flashed for speeding in France each year may soon be getting points on their licence back home, it has emerged. What they don't seem to realise is what happens to an English driver when faced with an amazing open road spreading out in a wondrous vista in front of his tired eyes. Nowhere in England nowadays is there such a thing as an open road, free of other traffic. Even Lewis Hamilton, the Formula One driver, was banned from driving in France last December when he was pulled over on the A26 doing 122mph in a Mercedes. The limit on French motorways is 81mph in dry conditions and 65mph in the wet. But, don't forget the difference between mph and kmh. Seeing the many motorway signs permitting 110 kmh can go to an Englishman's head. Oh, and don't forget the new law that you must have a warning triangle and yellow vest in the car (even though the triangles have been proved to always blow over in the wind!) Anyway, you've now been warned. Oh, and if you see someone driving oh-so-carefully at a snail's pace on the inside lane - that'll be me.