15th September 2008

A lady called Dominique runs the local French classes in St. Antonin, 15 km away from chez-nous. Today is the first day of the new term and I'm supposed to be there right now! Trouble is, the autumn mists were all over the valley this morning, it was chilly and the class started so damned early, 9 a.m. sharp. I'll just have to admit it: I'm getting too old for all this. Living here for three years has taught me that it doesn't matter how many classes you attend, you can still get into difficulties. Take last week's physio session. I was told to put my arm au dessous. As usual in these situations I thought carefully 'what did he say?' Eventually I pointed my arm down to the floor. 'Non, non, Madame!' exasperated. He stretched his arm up to the ceiling, whilst carefully mouthing to this idiotic patient 'au dessus....oo...oo.' (Au dessous means 'below' and au dessus means 'above'). I can't believe the French language is so stupid. Fancy having two phrases meaning the exact opposite that sound exactly the same. Just think of the consequences. The same happened to him indoors when he went to buy a computer mouse from a local store. Before he left I armed him with the correct word souris for mouse. He was in hysterics when he came home. 'Whatever happened?' I asked. 'Oh, the assistant couldn't stop grinning. I couldn't understand it. Just like you said, I said 'Donnez-moi un sourire'. Oh no. Sourire means smile!! C'est la France.