23rd February 2014

You've heard of Da Vinci and that enigmatic smile?  Well now there's the Da Vinci robot.  It's the latest super technology in the world of men's medicine, able to remove prostates via key-hole surgery. Him indoors: 'What have I let myself in for?' These new techniques are world-famous, teaching doctors from all over the world. But would Him indoors have the courage to undergo the treatment?  The important thing is for all men to follow these steps:  1. take a simple blood test; 2. If the PSA reading is high (more than 4), wait a month then re-do it. 3. If the PSA has risen further, schedule a biopsy. 4. If the biopsy shows cancer cells, schedule an MRI and a bone scan to confirm that no cancer cells have leaked. 5. If the patient is under 70, in reasonable health, and the above 4 points apply, book key-hole surgery by robot in the most experienced centre you can find, i.e. the Tarn! Well, we already knew the French health system was the best in the world, so Him indoors - with his own enigmatic smile - underwent the whole procedure and is now back home again, improving daily. On leaving the hospital, a new patient asked 'what's the cure rate?'  Him indoors:  it's that Da Vinci man over there with the black hat and coat!!

17 November 2013

.......so, I'm back with much to report on things French. A few weeks ago our local doctor strongly recommended that I undertake a coloscopy (don't ask!) and gastroscopy. The following week(!) I was duly admitted to the Claude-Bernard Clinic in the nearby town of Albi.   I was welcomed and shown into a single room, complete with wardrobe, TV, phone and en-suite bathroom!  Nurses brandished a laptop with all my details. Patients are responsible for bringing the prescribed medicine, purchased at the local pharmacie (no clanking trolleys laden with drugs), costs borne by your carte vitale, plus antiseptic shower soap. Next the dreaded bit: drinking 2L of what tasted like the entire contents of Droitwich Brine Baths - with the inevitable after-effects....oh well. At least I wasn't presented with a torpedo tablet: I'm s'posed to put it where?? The general anaesthetic was much improved from my youth. I felt a warm rush from the catheter in my arm, then fell instantly asleep. And guess what?  No sickness, no after-effects.  After a while to recuperate, I was wheeled back up to my deluxe suite.  Best of all, within one hour I was presented with a glossy folder, complete with colour photos of my insides and a report covering reasons for operation, the procedures effected and the eventual conclusions + prescription for ongoing medication. TG: no cancer, but surprisingly I have 'beance cardiale' - the valve between the oesophagus/stomach doesn't work - probably congenital. It's only taken me 65 years to find out! The French health system? Merveilleuse.                         

21st August 2011

The canicule continues - 40 degrees today and rising. And CPAM, the French bureaucratic health body, includes those my age as those at risk! However, whenever I think I've got the health system licked, something happens to confuse me yet again. From E106, E121, S1 - the forms go on for ever, including the sub-bodies like Secu, CMU.
But now I hear even the locals have trouble with it. M. Rolland from Argenteuil was told by his pharmacist that CPAM  wouldn't reimburse costs because the patient was 'dead'. Secu refused to believe the pharmacist, so M. Rolland and his wife marched into the CPAM offices themselves to sort them out. However, a few days later his pension fund wrote to 'the heirs of M. Rolland' asking for a death certificate. When he rang to protest, they told him to get a 'certificate of existence' from his mairie, who subsequently said such a thing didn't exist. The pension company then asked him to provide a copy of his birth certificate with a signed note to confirm he was still alive. All well and good until he made a chasing call and was told he'd died a few weeks ago!
Him indoors says I never See Pam anyway, and I don't get ill 'cos I'm on a seafood diet - when I see food I eat it...

7th November 2011

Hypochondria rules o.k. Time to brave the rigors of the French health system. You turn up at the surgery any morning and hope the waiting room is empty. It wasn't. But, you can telephone and make an afternoon appointment. (I still don't understand. What symptoms require an afternoon appointment?) The doctor greeted me. 'Ca va?' Well no, that's why I'm here. I showed him a rough sketch of my family history. I'd circled everyone in my immediate family who had passed away with the big C. Unfortunately there were 6, 2 of whom both siblings. He said I must take tests. But, but, I feel O.K. And anyway, not all of the Cs affected the same part of the body. N'importe quoi.
Trouble is, medical science has only devised tests for certain parts of the body. So, what about the other parts? You must hope you don't get it. Great! But I did read recently that researchers have discovered a rogue protein that masks C cells, fooling the body that the C cell is injured and must be protected. Now, all they need to do is zap this protein so that the proliferating C cells will be destroyed by natural immunity. Where's Dr.Bones of Star Trek when you need him? I need him to run an electronic gadget all along my body to pick up annually anything untoward BEFORE any symptoms present themselves. And it needs to be in my lifetime..... In the meantime, here's what I take every day: 75mg aspirin, 1 glass red wine, raw carrot, tomato, orange, sunshine, home-made veg soup.