17th May 2009

This last week has been one of mayhem, confusion and embarrassment, with a liberal sprinkling of double-entendre. Where to start? I had booked a club outing to nearby Caylus with two of my Canadian book 'fans'. Thought the date was the 12th. So, when our vegetarian son arrived, I asked the club if he could come. Answer: no, because the French caterer (like most French) thinks that to be vegetarian is un catastrophe. But, after cancelling, I found that the actual date was the 14th, a day after our son went home, so I called the club to reinstate the booking. But then our Canadian friend Bill became seriously ill and is now in intensive-care in Villefranche. Yet again, I had to contact the club to cancel! Embarrassment all-round. Added to this, I discovered a fraud on my online bank account. Someone had kindly removed £500 from my account to put a bet on at Ladbrokes!! Him indoors calmly asked if the horse won! Have therefore been going to-and-fro between the bank and the local Gendarmerie - something not to be recommended in a foreign language.
On Wednesday we returned our son to Blagnac airport. Inching up to the narrow barrier, the screen said Complet - full. So, after a few muttered 'merdes' (no translation necessary), I reversed along the narrow channel to promptly crash into an unseen stone kerb, damaging the door sill. We drove again around the airport, saw a digital sign now saying 6 places available, so returned, only to be met with Complet yet again! I tried arguing with the unknown man via the barrier audio control, who merely directed us to the only available spaces in car park P5. However...two French camion lorries were digging up the entire P5 access road. Our son calmly said 'that'll be why they've got spaces'.
I'm sure the French have a saying for all this. Mine? Unprintable in any language.