25th August 2019

Bank holiday weekend. Depressing World news. Fires raging, Germany and France acting like managing directors of 25 other EU nations, don’t like Tusk and the G7 in Biarritz is all about Macron. Let’s cheer ourselves up with more UK/US parody. Note. Unladylike language approaching.
UK. Driving under the influence: pissed or plastered (not to be confused with what builders do to your walls.) Raining: pissing down. Extremely annoyed: pissed.
US. When you cut your finger, use a Band Aid.
UK. Band Aid is a musical group. When you cut your finger, use a plaster, bought from the chemist not the builder. Do not confuse with being plastered, yet another meaning for ‘pissed’.
US. Cut up your food with a knife, lay it down, swap the knife for a fork and use tines upwards. Eat burgers with your fingers. Tip the waitress 10%.
UK. Eat everything (including burgers) with a knife and fork, tines facing downwards, cutting your food as you go. Never swap your knife and fork. Never use your fingers. Never tip the waitress. Leave before she notices.
US. When writing, the dot at the end of a sentence is a period.
UK. A period is something unmentionable which happens to women.
(All extracted from An Englishwoman in America. For more, click on icon on the right.)